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An apology

LettersFromFlyoverCountry

LettersFromFlyoverCountry

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I'm a lot older than I was in 2012 when I completed N614EF. I'm more careful; I'm smarter. I try to be less of an ***hole (this is a work in progress).

As I approach the Phase I process for N612EF, I'm taking a lot of time to memorize procedures, chair fly so that muscle memory alone will implement them and review all engine specs so that I will know when the engine is telling me something.

More than anything else, though, I'm taking the time to be sure my attitude is where it needs to be in order to act as a test pilot. I am so much more careful and patient now than I was in my comparative youth (I was 58 in 2012. Hey, some of us are late bloomers!).

So it was horrifying to me today when I happened to find (through the most circuitous route you can imagine) a VAF post documenting my first flight in N614EF in June 2012 when I encountered a problem with the engine and didn't listen to myself.

But that wasn't the most egregious behavior. It was being defensive toward people who were trying to help, particularly Dan Horton.

You can read it all yourself and you'll easily see what I mean. Geez, what a jerk (i.e. "me")! I'm ashamed to have known him (i.e. "me").

I read a good piece of advice the other day on how elderly people should treat the fact that they're falling apart. I had knee replacement surgery on one of my two bad knees in November and to say the period has been horrible is an understatement. No way am I ever doing that again.

I use a cane, I lose my breath climbing stairs, I hurt, and, frankly, it's depressing to realize there are things I can no longer do.

But the advice I read made a big difference. When the "you" of your youth is gone, consider it another person because you're not that same person; you're a different person, better in many respects but a little worse in others. Basically, you disassociate.

I read that thread today in horror but I'll spend time treating it as I do all of life's regrets. Correcting what can be corrected and then disassociating from the person who no longer exists. That may take a little time.

What I should have said here in 2012 is what I'll say now to Dan and everyone else in that thread: thank you for trying to save my life.
 
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I would pull back many posts myself if I could, and I’m sure I’m not alone.
We’re human. The good, bad, and sometimes ugly…..
Forgive yourself and move on. This is just a forum, not a reflection of real life….
 
As much as this is an incredible forum, the thing with written communication is that often it can be taken different ways as there is no body language, tone of voice, etc. And as humans we may lean towards a different response if something is pointed vs polite, critical vs constructive, etc… but much of this is missing in this medium. But in exchange, we have a much larger network and I am thankful for that.
 
Thanks, Bob. Well said.

I have been reading your stuff for 20+ years (here on VAF, in the newsletter you had, the blog, etc) and always appreciate your thoughtfulness and introspection.
 
If we all can’t relate to that, Indont know what we can… to me forums are places where you throw your two cents worth in and sometimes say to yourself after…. What the hells the matter wit you?

The good part is that hopefully we are all trying to help each other and that’s what shows through it all.

Hats off to everyone who’se had a mouthful of regret and to the apologist… what a class act!!
 
LettersFromFlyoverCountry said:
I'm a lot older than I was in 2012 when I completed N614EF. I'm more careful; I'm smarter. I try to be less of an ***hole (this is a work in progress).

As I approach the Phase I process for N612EF, I'm taking a lot of time to memorize procedures, chair fly so that muscle memory alone will implement them and review all engine specs so that I will know when the engine is telling me something.

More than anything else, though, I'm taking the time to be sure my attitude is where it needs to be in order to act as a test pilot. I am so much more careful and patient now than I was in my comparative youth (I was 58 in 2012. Hey, some of us are late bloomers!).

So it was horrifying to me today when I happened to find (through the most circuitous route you can imagine) a VAF post documenting my first flight in N614EF in June 2012 when I encountered a problem with the engine and didn't listen to myself.

But that wasn't the most egregious behavior. It was being defensive toward people who were trying to help, particularly Dan Horton.

You can read it all yourself and you'll easily see what I mean. Geez, what a jerk! I'm ashamed to have known him.

I read a good piece of advice the other day on how elderly people should treat the fact that they're falling apart. I had knee replacement surgery on one of my two bad knees in November and to say the period has been horrible is an understatement. No way am I ever doing that again.

I use a cane, I lose my breath climbing stairs, I hurt, and, frankly, it's depressing to realize there are things I can no longer do.

But the advice I read made a big difference. When the "you" of your youth is gone, consider it another person because you're not that same person; you're a different person, better in many respects but a little worse in others. Basically, you disassociate.

I read that thread today in horror but I'll spend time treating it as I do all of life's regrets. Correcting what can be corrected and then disassociating from the person who no longer exists. That may take a little time.

What I should have said here in 2012 is what I'll say now to Dan and everyone else in that thread: thank you for trying to save my life.
Click to expand...

LettersFromFlyoverCountry said:
I'm a lot older than I was in 2012 when I completed N614EF. I'm more careful; I'm smarter. I try to be less of an ***hole (this is a work in progress).

As I approach the Phase I process for N612EF, I'm taking a lot of time to memorize procedures, chair fly so that muscle memory alone will implement them and review all engine specs so that I will know when the engine is telling me something.

More than anything else, though, I'm taking the time to be sure my attitude is where it needs to be in order to act as a test pilot. I am so much more careful and patient now than I was in my comparative youth (I was 58 in 2012. Hey, some of us are late bloomers!).

So it was horrifying to me today when I happened to find (through the most circuitous route you can imagine) a VAF post documenting my first flight in N614EF in June 2012 when I encountered a problem with the engine and didn't listen to myself.

But that wasn't the most egregious behavior. It was being defensive toward people who were trying to help, particularly Dan Horton.

You can read it all yourself and you'll easily see what I mean. Geez, what a jerk! I'm ashamed to have known him.

I read a good piece of advice the other day on how elderly people should treat the fact that they're falling apart. I had knee replacement surgery on one of my two bad knees in November and to say the period has been horrible is an understatement. No way am I ever doing that again.

I use a cane, I lose my breath climbing stairs, I hurt, and, frankly, it's depressing to realize there are things I can no longer do.

But the advice I read made a big difference. When the "you" of your youth is gone, consider it another person because you're not that same person; you're a different person, better in many respects but a little worse in others. Basically, you disassociate.

I read that thread today in horror but I'll spend time treating it as I do all of life's regrets. Correcting what can be corrected and then disassociating from the person who no longer exists. That may take a little time.

What I should have said here in 2012 is what I'll say now to Dan and everyone else in that thread: thank you for trying to save my life.
Click to expand...
I had to completely divorce myself from flying when I grounded myself. I had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s but I didn’t feel any symptoms. The heart attack sealed the deal. I sold 284DG to an older guy that is only 18 miles away. He will eventually sell it to the local EAA chapter - they will use it as a trainer. I like that. I might even take a ride or two. I have twin five year old boys that I had hoped would fly with me some day, but I’m showering them with toy airplanes and race cars. They visit every weekend and they love the Microsoft Flight Sim. That’s good enough. But I still look up at every airplane that crosses in front of me from KTZR.
 
Dgamble said:
I had to completely divorce myself from flying when I grounded myself. I had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s but I didn’t feel any symptoms. The heart attack sealed the deal. I sold 284DG to an older guy that is only 18 miles away. He will eventually sell it to the local EAA chapter - they will use it as a trainer. I like that. I might even take a ride or two. I have twin five year old boys that I had hoped would fly with me some day, but I’m showering them with toy airplanes and race cars. They visit every weekend and they love the Microsoft Flight Sim. That’s good enough. But I still look up at every airplane that crosses in front of me from KTZR.
Click to expand...
You'll always be one of my top RV heroes. I know I'm not alone in so stating.
 
Such a graceful reminder-- thanks. I'm long past earning my keep but still stumble into lessons I wish I didn't need.
 
LettersFromFlyoverCountry said:
But that wasn't the most egregious behavior. It was being defensive toward people who were trying to help, particularly Dan Horton.

You can read it all yourself and you'll easily see what I mean. Geez, what a jerk! I'm ashamed to have known him.
Click to expand...

I am a jerk, and a lot of people are ashamed to know me ;)



(Yes, I know what you meant, plus an apology is entirely unnecessary. I am very often too blunt.)
 
loads of good people on here, and that is one of things keeping me coming back. Of course, written comms are difficult, the more so when some are not only using a foreign (foreign, foreign to what really?) language, but are also living in an entirely different contextual environment, akin to some lost in space planet.

In a mini-DanH role I try not to disturb, but to contribute when posting... thankfully I've learned some on RV specifics here, and that is a major benefit.
Well known is the proverb "To err is human, to forgive divine", but the biggest lesson of those last years has been that magical word: RESPECT
 
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